The Toilet

Once upon a time, a new toilet appeared in the shopping centre in the busy part of town.

Nobody took much notice of the toilet at first, and the toilet began to wonder if it had a purpose.

But then one day, a man came along. 

He was waiting for his wife while she did the shopping, and he found himself dying for a piss.

He found the toilet, and used it with a great sense of relief. 

The whole thing was over in less than a minute.

The toilet was left feeling desired, important and attractive. 

These were feelings which were new to the toilet, and which the toilet would hold on to forever.

Soon after, the toilet found itself being used frequently and with much appreciation and relief. 

The toilet’s sense of pride grew and grew, and all was well with the toilet.

Over time, new toilets appeared. 

However, the toilet was still being used with great frequency, and hardly noticed this new competition.

Indeed, when the town planners installed music speakers in the facilities within which the toilet resided, the toilet’s popularity grew and grew. 

The toilet loved that music.

Then, toilets with heated seats and spray, imported from Asia, began to appear all over town. 

The toilet was anxious at first, but then something wonderful happened.

A craze spread through the town, in which men photographed the toilets they used, and shared these photos on social media. 

The toilet did not question if these men were crazed or perverse.

The toilet had never received so much attention and this led to a state of euphoria.

Sadly, after a long time, the toilet was used less and less. 

Newer, sparkly toilets across town became more popular. 

It was hard to understand why, but men certainly preferred using these toilets more than they enjoyed using the old toilet.

The old toilet felt abandoned.

Eventually, the toilet turned to religion.

This helped, and in fact, carried the toilet through those lonely, later days.

However, in the last days of the toilet, when cracks appeared in every inch of its ceramic, and when the men took the toilet to the landfill site, it was not religion that the toilet thought of.

The toilet reflected upon the encounters with men that had used it over the years. 

Memories of the satisfied faces of those who had dispensed into its bowl flooded the toilet’s thoughts. 

Remnants of the sounds of relief from those men echoed through the toilet’s cavern. 

And it was these memories, these remnants, which gave the toilet comfort, as it slowly turned to dust.

The moral of this story: take a piss before you go shopping.

The End